Is it necessarily bad to feel envious or jealous? Should we really be ashamed of these emotions? Or do they give us a clue of what we truly desire to take action on them?
With International Women's Day happening last week, today, I really wanted to do an episode around working collaboratively, supporting each other, and empowering other women, which is a huge value of mine. In this episode, I talked about the best reframe for envy or comparisonitis that would make room for effectively collaborating and supporting others.
Listen and learn in this episode!
1:20 Episode Intro
1:50 Collaborating rather than competing
2:28 The joy of supporting and collaborating with others
4:21 Days we don't feel at our best
7:13 The feeling of envy isn't necessarily bad
9:20 The best reframe for comparisonitis
10:12 Why we feel ashamed of being jealous or envious.
11:07 How we can make more room for abundance, collaboration, generosity, and supporting others.
Hi, I’m Ruth, a business coach specializing in helping freelancers and business owners adjust their mindset and their marketing so they can get fully booked with clients they LOVE to work with. I’ve helped hundreds of self-employed women achieve the time and money freedom they craved.
I’ve started this podcast because when I first went all in and left the corporate world to be a freelancer, I was grateful for any work that came my way. After over 20 years of freelancing and working for other people, I started to realize I’d created a glass ceiling for myself.
In 2017, I finally started listening to that voice that had been telling me for a long time that I wasn’t doing what I loved and fulfilling my true potential. It took a critical illness to give me that wake-up call. I don’t want the same to happen to you.
You can expect practical advice, inspiring stories, and a lot of aha moments as we uncover and kick to the curb all the obstacles you have been putting in your way.
I’m on a mission to inspire women to start and play bigger in business.
Free stuff: https://www.ruthgilbey.com/next-client
Ruth Gilbey 00:04
Hello and welcome to the inspiring women in business podcast. My name is Ruth Gilbey and I'm a business and marketing coach. I'm on a mission to inspire women to start and play bigger in business. Now I started this podcast because when I first went all in and left the corporate world to be a freelancer, I was just grateful for any work that came my way. After over 20 years of freelancing and working for other people, I started to realize I'd created a glass ceiling myself. It was in 2017 when I finally started listening to that voice that had been telling me for a long time, that I wasn't doing what I loved, and I wasn't fulfilling my true potential. It took a critical illness to give me that wake-up call. And I don't want the same thing to happen to you. You can expect practical advice, interviews, inspiring stories, and a lot of aha moments, as we uncover and kick to the curb, all the obstacles you've been putting in your way.
Ruth Gilbey 01:08
Hello, and welcome back to the inspiring women in business podcast. Today's episode, I really wanted to do an episode around my thoughts around working collaboratively supporting each other, empowering each other, and empowering other women, which is something that's really, really important to me and a huge value of mine. And it was the reason why I wanted to do that episode was because I wanted to mark International Women's Day, which is happening this month, on the Eighth of March.
Ruth Gilbey 01:38
However, some I was feeling a bit stuck around that and I'll explain why in a minute. To me collaborating rather than competing means you really believe there's enough out there for everyone. You don't feel like you're competing, as you know that as a business owner, some people want to work with you. And some people want to work with someone else. And you're okay with that. That's when you're truly I think feeling abundant. You're staying in your lane, and you realize that if there's you get hurt, it's not taking it away from someone else. If something happens in your life, something good happens to someone, it's not taking something away from you.
Ruth Gilbey 02:16
Now, it's something I strive for in my own business. It's a huge value of mine. It's something that when I've truly embraced being supportive, collaborative, and not competing, it's brought more into my life and business than taking it away. So it absolutely works. And it fills me with joy and pleasure to support and empower other women, other people, other business owners. And I've always seen myself as a bit of a super-connector. I've always loved connecting people, passing on opportunities, introducing people, or recommending people. It's just something I've always naturally done again, doesn't take anything away from me, lights me up. And it's a value of mine. I naturally network without actually going to any network events. And it's something that is funny, I used to give myself a hard time I don't go to network events, I shouldn't be doing this should, should, should. And it's something that took me a while to realize that I am networking all the time online. And it gives me great joy to see people get opportunities or collaborate with each other.
Ruth Gilbey 03:24
And it's a big ethos of my membership as well, the online business collective. I love seeing the way people support each other without any agenda. I love seeing collaborations happening. If there are women in the group that have actually ended up going into business together or working on a project. I love people sharing leads. It's awesome. It's great. I just absolutely love to see that.
Ruth Gilbey 03:47
Someone actually joined the membership recently. And she said, you know, what's it like being in here? She asked the group and the group was saying, you know, it's just such an amazing community. There's no one-upmanship. You can come on and be honest about the kind of day you're having. And you're all you're going to get support and warmth. And it gave me all the warmth and fuzzies hearing things like that.
Ruth Gilbey 04:09
Anyway, back to what I was talking about. So yeah, in the ideal world, that's when I'm at my best, great, that's how I'm feeling but I'm not a magic unicorn. I have days where I worry about my own business and my own need and I think about my needs over others. And it's taken me a while to realize that this is totally okay. Even as the coach and the teacher sometimes I can have days where I'm just not at my best. It's not always possible. I can't always walk around saying I've got an abundant mindset and abundance mindset because you know, we're human beings and we think and feel things. I read an article recently that said, stop measuring up climbing the ladder and tearing down others to build yourself up. It's time to connect and collaborate to support and strive for better relationships in life. I'm in business, and I 100% believe this to be true. You know, particularly the part about you, you know, you don't get anywhere from tearing someone else down. But equally, I also believe it's normal to feel that you, you know, are envious sometimes or jealous or compare yourself. And it wouldn't be very helpful if I just told you to support everyone, when you might be worried about where you're going to get your next client, you might not have the space for that right now.
Ruth Gilbey 05:29
So I thought I'd do something a little bit different. Yes, you can strive to be the best version of yourself. But you can't do this by shaming yourself or denying your own feelings about something. This is a big lesson I learned over the last year, I'm going to tell you a story now. I got a business where I have a membership. And I have a program that didn't always use to be my business model. That was something that I introduced to 2018 2019. And I've now live launched my membership and my program about seven or eight times now over the last two or three years. And initially, I found the launching process terrifying. But over the years of doing it a bit more and understanding the process and letting go of the outcome and showing up and kind of I'm going to just serve and give people the best experience possible. And launching and putting your offers out there is part of your marketing, I've grown to find them more enjoyable, I've not got so depleted with my energy all the time. And I don't attach my self-worth to how successful they are. But this has taken me a lot of work and a lot of practice didn't happen overnight. And I have in the past been crippled by self-doubt and also envied others whose launches seemed more successful than mine. It's been the same in the past, but something else as well, if, if you can't relate to what I'm talking about when it comes to launching a course or a program, think about when you've wanted a job or think about when you've put yourself out there with your new business or your new idea when you really want it but you start to think about you know who else might be going for that as well. So as I say it's been the same in the past was something new that I might have put myself out there for as well.
Ruth Gilbey 07:13
Now recently, a business friend of mine who we've been friends with for years, we've supported each other, we've advised each other and I've actually been nagging her to get her expertise out there. She's been thinking about doing a program for quite a long time. So a business friend of mine who we've supported, I've advised she messaged me to say that she'd emailed her list and she finally got her course idea out there. And she'd got 10 people to sign up almost immediately without doing a webinar without doing a big launch. And you know what, I was really pleased for her. Then I put the phone down, something happened, I felt really envious. And I was really uncomfortable with that. And I felt really ashamed. That isn't one of my core values to envy other women and I questioned myself um, why am I feeling like this? Why, you know, is it going to stop me from supporting her or being pleased for her or congratulating her? So I did some soul searching and I asked myself some questions around it. And what I found was that you know, did you know that when you feel envy, it isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, no emotion should be really labeled as bad. That's a podcast for another day. You don't want to take something away from someone you don't wish something bad on them, you envy what they have or how they got it. That's just let me just repeat that again. You don't when you envy someone, you don't necessarily want to take something away from them. You don't wish something bad for them, you envy what they have or how they got it. And in my case, I was envious of how easy it had been for my friend to launch a course as that's a goal of mine. But I didn't realize how important it was for me to for it to be easy for my launches to be easier and uh, you know, I didn't know that that was it. It was a signal. It was a sign so actually, as soon as I realized it was nothing to do with her success it was to do with what I wanted, everything felt better and it felt easier.
Ruth Gilbey 09:13
When you're envious or jealous. It isn't a bad thing. It's a clue. It's a sign it's something you can be curious about is something that you can explore. So if that isn't the best reframe for comparisonitis, jealousy, or envy, I don't know what it is. Do you ever find yourself scrolling through Facebook and Instagram looking at what feels like immaculate photos of your friends? And then your friends' weddings, their holidays, book launches job promotions, and feel like you're far behind or falling behind your peers. Do you ever feel like this? Does any of this ring true for you? I know it certainly has for me from time to time honestly, in my professional opinion as a qualified transformational coach. I truly don't think any of us escape feeling jealous, envious, or comparing ourselves to others especially when you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position of launching or growing your business when you're stepping outside your comfort zone.
Ruth Gilbey 10:12
Of course, you're going to have more heightened emotions. So according to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, jealousy is an unhappy or angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has. And Wikipedia says jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety. Jealousy can consist of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness, or disgust. I mean, crikey. No wonder we feel ashamed of comparing or being jealous or envious. Instead of shaming or blaming yourself for feeling jealousy or envy or comparisonitis, I invite you to consider that envy is actually what any of those emotions are actually trying to get your attention. They're making you aware of what you truly want a bit like me when I was feeling envious of my friend, what your deep desires are, and possibly take actions on those desires. Perhaps as I say they're a clue.
Ruth Gilbey 11:16
I actually think that jealousy can give you a chance to notice what's actually working well in your life. Jealousy can actually provide a chance for us to take stock and recognize how much you've achieved and helped change your perception of the situation. I also think acknowledging and accepting our feelings or any emotions that we have, particularly those of jealousy can give us the ultimate personal growth opportunity, a chance to feel the emotions and be okay with them. I think when you truly allow yourself to explore your feelings, be human, and be curious about what emotion or belief is telling you then you can make more room for abundance, collaboration, generosity, and supporting others.
Ruth Gilbey 12:10
Thanks for listening to the inspiring women in business podcast. I hope you found this episode helpful. If you did, I would love it if you would leave me a review. Also, I would love to connect with you on Instagram. That's where I hang out most of the time. I'm @Ruth_Gilbey. I'll put a link in the show notes for you as well come and connect with me. Tell me about your business. And also tell me what you'd like to hear next on the podcast. And lastly, go and check out the business building hub on my website. There you can find more amazing free resources to help you take the next step in your business. And you can also find out other ways that you can work with me. I'll see you soon.